funny/contradictory liners

"I used to think I was indecisive but
now I’m not so sure."

"If I tell you I am a liar, will you believe me?"

"The last thing I want to do is hurt

you. But it's still on the list."

"I used to have an open mind,
but my brains kept falling out."

"Would a fly without wings be
called a walk?"

"I can't remember the last time I forgot something."

"Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down"